Clips ranked #1 ...hundred and twenty-two

In ESPN The Magazine’s newest issue they rank every team from the NBA, NHL, MLB, and NHL to determine this year’s Ultimate Franchise Standings. The Clippers, unfortunately, came in at #122. Out of 122 teams. Yeesh. However it’s not all bad news for LA fans ‘cuz the LA Angels came in first! Yup, the City of Angels represents both ends of the spectrum (although let’s be honest, they’re really the Anaheim Angels, so this city of mine actually didn’t do so well). As if it wasn’t clear enough that the sole purpose of this article was to cause me pain, my hometown boys, The Knicks, came in 121. That’s gotta make me King O’ The Losers, eh? That being said, the Knicks were #122 last year, so at least they’re improving… a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bit. Oh, and Dad, sorry but the Rangers have dropped down to #93 this year from #79 last year (New York & LA teams got hit hard because of how expensive it is to see them live).

The rankings are based on 8 different factors from fan surveys: Title Track(how well the team’s performing), Ownership, Coaching, Players, Fan Relations(how well the team treats and cares about its fans), Affordability, Stadium Experience (how clean the toilets are, how nice the staff is, the quality of the vendors, etc., just generally how good a time you have when you go to an actual game), and lastly Bang for the Buck (which is determined by comparing how much $ the franchise makes versus the quality of the team they put out there). Anyway, wanna know the key thing that enabled the Knicks to jump a whole whopping one spot? Their rank in Coaching. Last year, Isaiah “I’d Rather Lie So People Think My Daughter Tried To Kill Herself Than Me” Thomas, was ranked 121st. This year with Mike D’Antoni as head coach they jumped 71 spots to NUMBER 50! Now remember, this rank isn’t based on how well the coach actually does, ‘cuz the Knicks only improved by 9 wins, but rather fan PERCEPTION of the coach. I mean when Thomas was around, at Madison Square Garden you heard “Fire I-sai-ah” chants seven times more frequently than “Let’s go Kn-icks.”

This of course naturally should make you go, “hmm, I wonder how low Dunleavy’s ranked and if he’s partly responsible for the Clips low standing?” The answer: Mike is ranked #122. Dead last. Again, this doesn’t mean that Mikey is the worst coach across all four major sports, it simply means that everyone thinks so. That alone should get him canned.

Interestingly, the Clippers were actually ranked 82 last year, so they had a serious free-fall. Not only is coach ranked last, but so are the players (the rating for players isn’t just how good they are, but also likeability). Fan Relations: 121. Title track: 119. However, one area where the Clippers aren’t dead last of even amongst the top 5 worst: Ownership. Clearly my post yesterday where I said the Clippers no longer had the worst owner was dead on the money. ESPN itself has backed me up: they ranked the Clip’s Ownership all the way up at #116. Okay, so only six teams are worse, but hey, that’s one big step forward for Clip-kind.

Now if only we could fire Dunleavy.

UPDATE: Apparently one of my fellow FanSided sites were quoted in the rankings for the Titans if you’d like to check them out!

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