Behind the magic (no, not an Orlando reference)

I just found out how to see how many people have visited your site, and it turns out that you can learn a whole buttload more of info too which I found fascinating.  Those of you who are savvy about website stuff will probably find this all boring, but the rest of you should get a kick out of this.

First off, as of yesterday, when this site was like 5 days old, I’ve already had 586 page views from 242 unique viewers!  242 people!  Here I thought I was just writing in my underwear for my Mom & Pop (who ain’t even into bball) and like 2 friends.  Okay, okay, I don’t write in my underwear — sheesh, gimme some artistic leeway for a joke here.  Um, actually now that I think of it, lemme clarify that when I say I don’t write in my undies, I don’t mean I go around free ballin’.  Sorry, for those of you who haven’t read my writing before, I tend to babble off into nonsensical digressions.

Back to the stats.  This site has also already been read in 9 languages, has had 2 visitors from each of the following countries (the U.K., Pakistan, Canada, China & Germany) and 1 each from Hong Kong, Argentina, France & Italy!

The most readers obviously have come from the LA area, followed by maybe 15 or so from New York (c’mon, home town, you can do better than that!), but in third place there are 13 viewers from some place called Nixa (which off the horrible on-line map looked like it was in the general vicinity of St. Louis… meaning like within 200 miles).  There are also 5 people from somewhere called McNeil.  And there are the same # of viewers from Manila as Malibu (only 1). Figures that the Malibu-types wouldn’t wanna get down & dirty with the Clips — once the Clipper fans move in you know the Malibanians will think, “there goes the neighborhood.”

But that’s not all the Big Brother-ish info it gives me about y’all.  I know 50.83% of you use Firefox, 28.57% Internet Explorer, 14.62% Safari, and 1 dude (or .33%) used some browser called SeaMonkey…

What kind of operating systems?  68.77% were on Windows, 25.91% Mac, 2.66% iPhone, 1 dude on something called Android, and one other person on –and I’m not making this up– Danger HipTop.  Man, don’t it seem kinda lame to us a PC or Mac compared to a Danger HipTop?

I mean it’s crazy all the info I know about you.  Yes, you, the one on the left.  I can find out about your screen colors: do you use 32-,24-,16-,8-, or 4-bit?  I know your connection speed (7 people used dial-up!  Is that even still legal?), your internet provider, even if you have Java support (which I assume means do you drink decaf mochas, iced coffees, etc., or are you more a tea drinker).  I even know that Ralph McHockenstein of Kalamazoo had scrambled eggs for breakfast with wheat toast, slightly buttered, on the side.  I know your dreams, your goals, the very evil that lives within you that you’ve managed to hide from everyone else and even yourself.  Through the magic of the computer-machine-thing, I have become all-powerful.  Let’s say it like it is: I am God.

But shorter.

And with a worse jump shot.

Hey, don’t say I didn’t warn you that go off on odd babbling tangents.  After all, I’m only human.

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